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 Post Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:56 am 
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J The Virgin "The Chode Years Journal: Vol.1"

I was 17.

A long time ago.

I had never fucked before. I'd seen very little porn, and the way I was brought up, there was so much guilt associated with even watching it...I was scared, excited, and nervous...curious and anxious, to finally lose my V-Card.

Questions raced through my mind, that seem ridiculous now:

1. Do I just take my dick and stick it in her, or do I let her grab it and put it in?

2. After I bust my load, do I remove the condom right away, and clean myself up or; do I just lay there with a soggy rubber still on, as my dick lay limp and spoon with her?

3. Would it be rude if I just start eating her out?

4. And if I do eat her out, does that mean I cant makeout with her?

5. I had heard rumors that your dick can snap/bend in half if she's on top; so I insist on being on top?

6. Should I put Vicks rub under my nose just in case she stinks down there? Mike had fucked once last summer and said thats what all the players do.

I didnt want to let her know it was my first time. I was gonna fake it; create the illusion I had done this before, and done it well. She'd never be able to tell, right? She came in to my bedroom wearing only an oversized AOL t-shirt, and she gaited towards me as I lay under the covers in the dark, pitching a comforter tent..

She answered question #1 for me pretty quickly, and all I could think was...

Damn, she's done this before....
=================================================

~Wavy dreamy flashback music, with the visual slightly off, and the music fades down, as the view comes into focus~

Action.

Cast of players for the night:

J The Virgin
Lisa
Mike
My Sister (who I'd like to thank for having all those cheerleader freinds over to the house who I had most of my first experiences with)
Lucky the Dog (RIP)

The stats on the TV screen said that 70% of all healthy men lose thier virginity in the US by the time they reach 18. This was on an episode of Jenny Jones Talk Show (ok, Im really dating myself there).

I felt like a fuckin loser. Im about to be 18, and I'd never fucked. All my friends had "done it" (which I question now), and I felt I was basically a social retard. I wasnt normal. What was wrong with me? I'd had expereinces before this, and up until that time here was my score:

I'd had:
* 3 girlfriends
* 1 BlowJob (mostly her mumbling on my dick as I watched The Simpsons, with her occasionally asking if "Am I doing it right, J"?
* 9 Makeouts (Each and every one seemingly by accident, which I will maybe go into further on future episodes.)

But aside from that, nada.

I was leaving for band practice (I'd been singing/playing guitar in punk bands for a bit). Funny, even though I was pretty damn shy (even compared to normally shy people) I always felt comfortable on stage singing my songs. Taking a melody in my head, humming it to myself, figuring out the guitar chords to match it, and then adding my original lyrics to it was one of the most enjoyable things I'd done in my life; no matter how shy I was, I felt proud to showcase my creation to all those who probably wouldnt even talk to me in real life.

On stage, playing my songs is when I actually felt alive; like I was worth (not much) but something.

And as I was about to go out the door, my sister spoke up.

Sister: J, I met a new friend at summer school named Lisa. You're going to like her.

My sister was "the popular kid". I'm a couple years older than her, and she was so sweet; always trying to get me to hook up with her friends who I always felt where out of my league. I cringe on all the pussy I missed out on.

I blew it off, I didnt think twice. Little did I know that this "Lisa" she spoke of would become my oneitis for years to come.
================================================

Back in these days, my life consisted of:

*Playing in my punk band (The Previews)
*Skateboarding/terrorizing Seattle with my Skate Crew, always working on that elusive fakie 360 pressure flip.
*Collecting rare obscure/banned movies
*And watching Pro Wrestling (this was during the height of the NWo days)

I was going out on another skateboarding rampage and then to band practice, and as I walked out the door, I hear my sister's voice...

Sister: J, this is Lisa. Say hello.

I turned around slowly, with my baseball cap backwards, baggy jeans, chain wallet, and I see Lisa for the first time...

!!!

Sounds stupid now, but at the time...I was looking right at perfection. Flawless face. The kinda shit people cut thier ear off for and commit suicide over...Perhaps, even to this day, the most beatiful face I have ever seen.

My heart spirals, and crashes like a Mack truck into the pit of my guts; my blood and adrenaline sloppily flow through me in a choatic dischord. I nearly dropped my skateboard that I had clutched with a super tight grip, nearly bending my nails.

J the Virgin: Oh, hey...

I turn back around and head towards the door, and I hear Lisa's voice.

Lisa: Hey sexy, see you around.

Her and my sister giggle, as I shut the door behind me.

I get to band practice in Seattle near the Kingdome and nail every note on cue, and I sing my heart out like never before. This wasnt even a live show, but I was giving all I had to give. I couldnt wait to see Lisa again; just to see her face.

I get home, and she's there with my sister eating the Triple Decker Pizza from Pizza Hut (ok, im feeling really old right now).

I put my head down and go straight into my room.

Fuck.

I could have said hello. Maybe grabbed a slice of pizza. But I couldnt because of this mouth. This mouth that doesnt talk when it needs to. This mouth that betrays me when I most need it.

I sit on my bed, and turn the TV on (tonight the NWo takes over WCW Nitro and Hulk Hogan has some 'splaining to do to Kevin Nash).

I hear a knock on my door. It's my sister and she comes in, sits next to me on my bed and looks at me.

Sister: J, she thinks youre cute. Do you want to scam with her and then be with her? ("being with her" was what we used to call being BF/GF. We used to call makeouts "scamming".)

J the Virgin: Are you sure she thinks Im cute? She's fuckin hot, like even more than most regular hot people.

Sister: Dont be a puss, Im gonna send her in right now. Talk with her, you'll be fine.

I swallow my spit with a forced gulp, and agree to see her friend. I close my eyes, and lyrics flow to me...this is going to be an awesome song someday.

Lisa comes in smiling, very confident, and sits next to me.

Fuck. Im shaking.

Lisa: So youre in a band? What kind of music do you play?

J: Uh, like punk...but I added 50's white group sound doo-wop to it so its actually a hybrid of late 70's Uk style power-pop mixed with MidWest Style White Group sound Doo-wop....(ok I was rambling)...

Lisa: Hahaa, sounds cool.

She puts her hand on my lap.

J: This is kind of awkward. Why dont you have a boyfriend?

She tells me she just broke up with him yesterday, and she thought I was cute when she first saw me on my sisters folder in school (I guess its those folders where you can put pictures inside and stuff). So she had seen what I looked like before, and initiated interest by asking about me. She had asked my sis if I was her BF, and my sis said no, I was her brother, and that I was single.

J: So you wanna scam?

Lisa: Yeaaa...

We start to kiss on my bed, and it's to this day, it's the best makeout I ever had (and I've had over 100). Every girl I kiss, I always compare to Lisa. Some come close.

This moment was awesome, will never forget it. I felt like the luckiest guy on the planet. I open my eyes, and try to get as much visual memory as I can; I know this is a "life moment" that I'd be replaying until I die.

I hear some scratching on the door. Lucky, my dog comes in and hops on the bed.

J the Virgin: Go away Lucky, not now.

Lucky: (knows exactly what I mean and goes back out the way he came).

We makeout for about 10 minutes, and then she tells me she has to go. She gets up, and goes to my sisters room. Lisa was spending the night, (presumably to be with me) but the pre-tense, or story she would tell her parents was that she was having a sleepover with my sis.

Lisa: I'll be back later tonight.

J: ok, I'll be here.

!!!
=========================================================
I pick up the phone and call my bass player Mike.

*Ring
*Ring

J the Virgin: Yo Mike, wake up fucker, youre not gonna believe this shit.

Mike: zzzzzzzz

J the Virgin: Dude you still have that condom your brother gave you a few months ago?

Mike: zzzzzzzz....Arent you too old to be making water ballons?

J the Virgin: No dick, Im gonna bone this chick tonight. Lemme have it.

He was my best friend, bassist, and hapened to live upstairs from me. We also shared the same birthday. I go upstairs to his apt. and he's already there with the condom in his hand.

Mike: Be gentle with Lucky, I dont think this is a trick youre going to be able to teach him well.

J the Virgin: hahaaa, you asshole.

Mike: So who is this chick? Wait...

J the Virgin: (big smile) Yeah...

Mike: No fuckin way! The chick your sister brought over? I saw them out my window earlier.

He gives me a hug, kisses both sides of my cheek godfather style, and shakes my hand, slipping me the rubber. He hands me two.

Mike: Bone well good sir, you deserve this.

I walk back down the stairs, pull up my baggy pants and think to myself....the next time I leave my house, I will no longer be a virgin.
============================================================

Im in bed, waiting....

Waiting....

and waiting....

When was she gonna come by? It was already 11pm.

My mom was asleep for sure, so no worries of her ruining this for me by walking in on us. I decide to experiment and try on one of the condoms for practice. I had never rolled one on before. I feel like a scumbag.

Then, as I'm about to rip the packet open...

Lisa comes in. She doesnt say a word, turns out the light, and slips in with me under the covers.

Holy fuck.

Instant boner. She takes the condom packet, rips it open with her teeth, and rolls it on me like a pro.

We get busy, real busy, and the then REALLLY fuckin busy. She's on top the whole time, and coming out of this perhaps with a bent weanie never crosses my mind. Each pounce I say goodbye to Virgindom.

Bye.

Bye.

Bu bu bu bu bu---BYYYEEEE!!!

J: I feel so honored to be here with you. Youre the most beatiful girl Ive ever seen...your face....it's, perfect.

I kiss her cheek as I mean every word I say with convition I could die by.

Lisa: Heh heh...youre too cute. Ok, gotta go back to hang out with your sis. So we're with each other now right?

J: I'll be the best boyfriend ever.

Lisa: Ok, see ya later.

As I lay in bed, I daydream of our life together, getting married, having kids, and being so happy, well into old age. Taking showers together, and having sex every day of the week and maybe twice on Sunday.

I fall asleep, undeniably, completely and hopelessly....

In love.
======================================================

The next day I wake up and Im living in a different world. I fucked. I'm now part of the nations average for having sex (and a year early compared to the 18 yr rate). For the first time in years, I felt normal.

Apparently Lisa took off before I woke up, and all I could do was hum a new melody I'd never heard...I grab my guitar and write a song.

The phone rings.

My sister says it's for me.

It's Lisa. I take the phone while strumming my guitar, I cant wait to show her the song Im trying to write for her.

Lisa: J hey whats up...umm, I dont know how to say this but...

J: Let me guess....

So this is what death must feel like. I feel like Im in spinning around the Earth's orbit, crashing faster through the atmosphere, and crashing down to my inevitable demise, smashing into a rocky mountainside (with lava even).

I snap a guitar string, and the twang that lingers perfectly reflects my hearts voice, which has just exploded and spilled itself out into every corner of the universe.

J: ...we're not together anymore are we?

Lisa: Yea, sorry about that...I got back together with my ex! He came to pick me up this morning. Anyways, it was fun. See you around.

*Click*
===================================================

I didnt see her again for 2 years, and during that time I wasnt with anyone...I was only obsessed with her, and it was sick. I wont go into that here, I think we all know what a severe case of oneitis feels like. Everytime I'd go to the mall I'd hope to run into her. Every new freind I'd meet I'd ask if they'd heard of her. When my phone would ring, i'd hope it was her calling to tell me she wanted to give it another go.

The worse part was that feeling in your gut when you wake up in the morning, aching, pounding...it hurt especailly bad if I happened to dream about her and I being together, only to wake up to the empty reality that was my life.

My sister actually ended her freindship with Lisa over what she did to me, which was basically use me as a rebound lay.

I was never really a praying guy, but for two years all I could do was think of her and the day she would return...afterall, she had to...it was true love.

Please god, do me this one favor, just this one time and I PROMISE I will....

True LOOooove...

*gag* *puke*

For those 2 years I studied how I would plot to win her back if we ever crossed paths again. If I saw her again, I would be ready. I'd make her mine, and we'd be together, the way it was meant to be. The way it was supposed to be. The way it would be...

Where was pickup at that time? Why couldnt I have found it then?

Arghhhhh....

Then one day, almost 2 years to the day of my first lay, my sister runs a newsflash past me...

Sister: J, guess who just moved in to Apt 103?

But she didnt have to tell me, I could feel it...I'd been waiting for this. Time to step up. Two years. Project Lisa was in full operation, and this time I wouldnt fuck it up (which im my mind I had).

To be continued in my next AFC Flashback Journal...if there even is one.
================================================

I hope you guys enjoyed this. For those of you who follow my FR/LR's on a regular basis, I hope to also write these AFC Journals from my past (maybe one a week), but only if there is enough interest to warrant it.

I know these sections of the board are primarily for RECENT FR/LR's, and not maybe so much trips down memory lane.

Would appreciate your feedback.

Continued here:
viewtopic.php?f=63&t=1057

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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:24 pm 
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j the ripper wrote:
Flawless face. The kinda shit people cut thier ear off for and commit suicide over...


Love that.

And who could forget the TRIPLE DECKER PIZZA! Mmmmm....

And you sly PUA you getting SNL's before you were even in the game! Haha.

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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:48 pm 
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Megatron wrote:
j the ripper wrote:
Flawless face. The kinda shit people cut thier ear off for and commit suicide over...


Love that.

And who could forget the TRIPLE DECKER PIZZA! Mmmmm....

And you sly PUA you getting SNL's before you were even in the game! Haha.


Thanks Mega.

Man, I could sure go for a Triple Decker right now...why do they always have to discontinue shit I love?

There a few more J The Virgin stories I wanted to write, just havent had the time///

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:19 am 
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I usually never laugh aloud when i read posts but i swear, your shit practicilly made me cry. Not in an insulting your past or nething :P but just something to look back on an giggle. That dog moment and thinking good bye to virginity was hilarious. ALl in all it was a hilarious read but sorry to hear u got hit w/ the fucking BAIT and SWITCH

-s11

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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:10 pm 
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gotta know what happens with this story! I'm so glad I know what one-itis is. You can't beat something if you don't understand it.

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 Post Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:51 pm 
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Nice LR. Did "scamming" originate from the movie "Say Anything...". They call dates "scamming" in that movie.

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