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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:13 pm 
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Great report, maybe you can post this on the VA forum ;)

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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:03 am 
 
awesome report. your plowing after her initial blowout paid off. and your unapologetic SOI lead to the 5 min make out...man im learning good stuff from your FRs :D

J The Ripper wrote:

But that voice. Oh brother.

I imagine myself giving her lessons on how to suck my dick in some broken down industrial warehouse in Detroit on top of a filthy table saw. It’s dark and cold, and the metal shutters covering the windows are shaking violently; like an innocent man falsely imprisoned in a Turkish holding cell, grasping at the bars begging to be let out. I would then masterbate her with the longest Flamin Hot Cheeto I could find in the bag, then place it between our lips as we nibble on it on opposite ends like Lady and the Tramp.


:rofl: :rofl:

you kinky motherfucker.

J The Ripper wrote:
She slinks into my car and we’re off to the Bell Terra mall.

I talk most of the time going there, and I cant help but smile. She’s so Milfy and delicious all at the same time. We’re there minutes later and head into a sushi bar. I order a Saki and she gets a Sprite.


dude i live right by bella terra. kabuki is the :bomb:


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:45 am 
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J The Ripper wrote:
These guys seemed to be “old hands” at this sorta stuff.


LOL!


J The Ripper wrote:
Naomi: Hi J! Whats up?

J the Virgin: Nothing much, just gonna go with the guys to Jason’s house, and, well, you know…

Naomi: What are you guys gonna do?

J the Virgin: (with glee) We’re gonna go jack off!

Naomi: (looking at me as if I had just removed my flesh mask like the Doomsday Cult from Beneath the Planet of the Apes) EWWWWW!! You’re NASTY!

She ran off and whispered to some other girls by the bus stop, and they started pointing at me.


Haha classic! And the grisly film reference fits nicely here!

J The Ripper wrote:
Ha! I was feeling pretty proud. Jacking off must be something really bad! And I was gonna do it.


Here it is the begining of a man drawn to the underside of life who would soon be torturing co-workers with bizarre restroom visits!

J The Ripper wrote:
I had to think quick. By now now I had at least deduced that “jacking off” was something you did in relation to a pretty girl from TV. Hmmm…I was blank. So I spewed out the first name that came to my mind…

J The Virgin: Judith Light!

I could tell by their blank stares they had no idea who she was…

J the Virgin: You know, the mom from Who’s the Boss?

The Guys in Unision: Ohhh!!!!! (laughter)


I jacked off once to the En Vogue girls music video back in the day.

J The Ripper wrote:
They all started to pull down their pants around their ankles, followed by their underwear (Brian needed some help since he was a portly fellow; luckily Adam was right next to him to help pull his jeans below his calves.


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J The Ripper wrote:
I imagine myself giving her lessons on how to suck my dick in some broken down industrial warehouse in Detroit on top of a filthy table saw. It’s dark and cold, and the metal shutters covering the windows are shaking violently; like an innocent man falsely imprisoned in a Turkish holding cell, grasping at the bars begging to be let out. I would then masterbate her with the longest Flamin Hot Cheeto I could find in the bag, then place it between our lips as we nibble on it on opposite ends like Lady and the Tramp.


Great paragraph starts with sadomasochistic porn imagery and ends with a Disney cartoon.

I got a broner.

J The Ripper wrote:
She looks at me with a guilty curiosity, and she scoots closer to hear me say the words in her ear. Her eyes werenlt typically slanty; when we made eye contact I actually enjoyed it…She mustve been quite the knockout 15 years ago. But beauty like this doesn’t go away as easily through the years. This MILF still had a few miles left in the tank.


Until you take her for a ride, haha! Hope you can run on come biatch!

J The Ripper wrote:
Schlitze from Tod Brownings Freaks when Frodo tells her how lovely her dress is.


Now that’s a bizarre movie.

J The Ripper wrote:
I lay a secret fart as I lean over to one side and hope the breeze makes it go in the opposite direction.


LOL!

J The Ripper wrote:
She talks about the planets, and how we were all from a single atomic particle sometime before the big bang.


Like a dingleberry before a big shit!

J The Ripper wrote:
No prob, I can talk about any subject at length even if I don’t know shit about it, but this subject I happen to enjoy. So I bring up 2012, the one world government, the Illuminati, The Rothschild/JP Morgan connection, the rise of Citibank and how we will all be corporate slaves sooner than we think, as well as the economy taking a shit as all being part of a grand scheme.


Someone’s been watching too much Zeitgiest!

J The Ripper wrote:
Watching Michael peel his dick off his own balls due to the sweaty hot day was fucking revolting.


Thanks...for...the image. Barf!! :shock:

J The Ripper wrote:
A few weeks later while watching Who’s the Boss, I was alone at home and bored. I never saw Judith Light the same way again. Took me awhile to learn that rolling my socks down to my ankles forming a tube was not mandatory.


Haha. I remember first time I jacked off was 5th grade and I was thinking about a friend of mine’s mom. She must have been in her 40’s but I had some weird thing for her. Every time after I’d come a huge wave of guilt and disgust would roll through me.

However the rolling of socks, from a anthropological stand point, is actually an interesting look into the origins of rituals in humans, so says the nerd in me.

Enjoyed the read, as usual, the part with the friends made me think of a cross between Stand By Me and Superbad.

It gave me an ED WOODy, pun intended.


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:52 am 
 
J as always, your reports are money. I just got done typing a stupid report for work....So I am glad to be reading all these entertaining pieces instead.

Anyway. Jacking off together huh? haha. That would have scared the shit outta me as well.

I don't want to get too crazy here but the way you interject your childhood innocence and directly oppose it to the new "you" is awesome. It seems to be a deep internal struggle, a catch 22, or a conundrum of sorts. New J gets lots of ass in weird ways, but seems to never shake the the innocence it tries so hard to erase from his past. Instead inevitably, it recreates itself as innocent trying so hard to not be, by doing things he was taught as a child was wrong (By seeing it from the child's eyes with the same lenses). It is as though the new J exists only to erase the embarrassment of the old J. But in doing so, it only reminds itself that they are one in the same. It shows a very human element. An element of struggle that many never seem to capture in writing about personal growth. I see these themes in all of your FRs. Much props maing. Wait, sorry i got lost in your report, i almost thought I was back it college. haha.

Anyway, keep it up brother.


Last edited by Calyx on Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:56 am 
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That's deep, Calyx...real deep.


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:35 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:55 am
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.


Last edited by shakeshi on Mon Apr 26, 2010 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:27 am 
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Location: Orange, CA
HAHAHAH this was seriously so hilarious. I was laughing at every single part of the "J The Virgin" parts. Great job on the milf too, sometimes plowing isn't always the answer.

J The Ripper wrote:
Since then I have NEVER heard of a “jacking off” crew before

Venusian Arts


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:16 pm
Posts: 21
J da rippa...

I have to say i was a little freaked in the begining of this but after the fr and and beeing able to relate (sadly) to your experience it was horrendous... thanks for bring back all those painfull memories... ha ha jk man nice fr, very entertaining!!!

hope to see you infield, peace


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:50 am 
 
king kong wrote:

J The Ripper wrote:
Since then I have NEVER heard of a “jacking off” crew before

Venusian Arts


:rofl:
snap. snap.


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 Post Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:13 pm 
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Now thats a fucking good read. If only I could write as good as you shit.
Sounds like she was a tough one, nice persistence. You set a good frame of wanting to fuck her which made her knew that you were not fucking around.

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