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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:28 pm 
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David Deida mentionnes that 'masculine polarity" is always in search of a release, through sports, challenges, and sex. Man are in need of that relief, of peace, after the release, we cut the connection for a few moments.

"feminine polarity" is the oppositen they want the release, but want to continue to feel good emotions and keep the connection going. Woman can live a variaty of emotions, through eating, drinking, practicing yoga, dancing, comtemplating arts and sex, but after the sex, the connection must keep on going.

For some guy's keeping the connection with woman can be rather easy. Somehow, more than 15 years ago, for reason that I could explain on another post, I stopped believing in the good will of the ones surronding me, and I stopped connecting.

Now It's screwing up my game. It's time to change.

So the challenge is not to connect on a deeper level, it's to keep connected, even when the shit test comes along, even when the dick takes over the brain.


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:45 am 
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Lemme see if I get this right. (And, in no way am I trying to put you down. Just yet, haha)

Whenever you attempt to connect with a girl, at some point in time your inner asshole comes out, as a defense mechanism, in order to protect yourself from being hurt, based on your firm belief (and, believes are important, don't sacrifice them) that other people are out to fuck you over?

If that is the case, then, may I suggest the following?
There's a difference between an asshole and not taking shit.
An asshole is someone who doesn't give a fuck no matter what. If the girl is trying to fuck you over, or, is building an altar to your likeness and professing her undying love to you, you don't give a flying fuck.

Not taking shit is different. Not taking shit is screening every action through a fine sieve, thus, filtering out anything that is not to your liking.
For example, you're out, and, the girl is giving you a shit test. You stay unaffected and balanced. You don't take her shit, however, you do give a shit that she's talking to you.
In another example, you're cuddling with the girl on the couch (humor me, please. This would be the girl you're fucking). As you're there, the girl is beginning to lay some shit on you, like, "why don't you take me out, when will we get married, yada, yada". Filtering her behavior through that sieve, you would not take her shit of verbal diarrhea, but, continue to enjoy cuddling.

There are many things that women do to push our buttons. And, amazingly, most of the time they push those buttons just to see if we'll stand up to them. Kinda pulling the tiger's tail to see if he'll rip your face off. Of course, when we do snap, as our tail is being pulled, they'll bitch because we snapped. Nice catch-22, isn't it?

The trick is to recognize when they're trying to push those buttons, and, understand, as well as let them know, that they're "cruising for a bruising".

Another words, just utter this the next time a woman is trying her darnest to push your buttons:

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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:51 pm 
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hahaha. i don't know how many red bulls you drink Envy but I bet it's more than the proscribed number on the can.

Now where do this A-O idea come from? I re- read my post and I dont see anywhere where I wrote that there is an A-O inside me when a gal is talking to me.

My real issue here , is that I still have issue related to me past that I thought where fixed. It's a funny thing, when I started in this game, I have put asside many limiting beliefs to approach, meet, talk, phone close, kino and f-close some gals.

but the more I want to get better with woman, the more issues I thought fixed, are comming out. I'm not 20 or 25 year old. I am a lot older than that so the bad programming and the wrong behaviors are deeper than I thought.


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 4:02 pm 
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Star, I stay away from caffeine, and, still, my mind is always racing. Haha

Never said YOU were an asshole. I simply identify your issues with some I've come across (and, many of my own), and, tell it like I feel it.

No worries about the age. In case you don't know, I'm 40, married, and, no kid either.
As a matter of fact, my maturity (or, lack of :D) is what makes me rather insightful.

Tell me what's bugging you. I'd love to help, mang.

_________________
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"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 4:28 pm 
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Ok Envy, I will put this as simple as it his.

I don't like my family, they dont like me. I have a biological mother somewhere on this planet and i have no clue where to find her and I don't think that I will go and find her anytime soon.

Now before all you guy's start busting my ball's with hilarious reponse or inner thoughts or empathic messages, please note that I really enjoy my life without this family around and they also enjoy their life a lot more without me. And even if I go out looking for this biological mother of mine, she might end up being a total clusterfuck for all I know and she might become a huge problem in the futur.

The problem I want to address here is my "game" with the ladies and NOT my family issue, althought I think that it is important to make a link.

So here it is Envy...I have in the past, took a bad habit of disconnecting with mostly everyone and I never invested in any relation because that would mean opening up to others and bring up the issue of my past, that I never enjoyed.
For the following reasons:
- fear of being rejected again
- putting myself in a low social value by revealing that I have no ties with my bloodline and all the raminifications that comes with this bullshit.
- and many other stupid shit.

So I mentionned in other post that I gamed on a superficial level and that my game was not tight. I think that adressing this connecting issue will help my game. (not the family issue, this is fixed for me).

I need to developed the right behaviors to start connecting again. Because of the relation with this family I think that I found 1000 ways to love my life, without anyone around. HBC-Evil even brought the subject up about me being a "loner".

So there it is. I need to stay connected on a regular basis. As for being assertive with shit tests, i think i got this on covered.


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:03 am 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Have you looked into therapy?

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:45 pm 
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Thanks for your concern Decibel, but therapy as not done any significant result. One therapist, after many, many consultation, oriented me toward living my life without this family.

As for a therapist who could help me in my game, and my social life, I have not found one who understands the PUA movement. One I have met still believe in woman serving "a hot meal" for there husband after work, while another suggested me to "Buy flowers" and "paying for dinner" because it was link directly to the woman's orgasm. (please shot this shrink if you ever meet him :bomb: )

Let's move on to my game and how I can stay connected cause these shrink or therapist are useless to me.


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:52 am 
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Therapists can help deeply rooted issues, but if you've already given it a go and it's failed, then I agree try to handle it yourself.

1. Yes, explain what happened 15 years ago.
2. You seem to say you can connect ("So the challenge is not to connect on a deeper level") but you've contradicted this by saying "I stopped connecting." So which is it, can you or can you not connect with women on a deep level?
3. If you can, what is it that's allowing the connection initially, and what is it that's taking it away?
4. Do you want to meet your biological mother, and how would you feel if you did meet her? What need would this fulfill?
5. You're trying to compartmentalize your family issues from your game, and in fact the two apparently are intertwined. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can work on improving your game. You don't need to be connected with your family to have game, but you need to resolve whatever resentment or other inner issues are brewing because of the family status. For example, if you feel abandoned by your mom, then this fear could be spilling into future interactions with girls. Get it?
6. Opening up to women about your past isn't the deal killer. Being incongruent about it is. I mean, not fully accepting your past and dealing with it, but instead repressing your feelings about it, trying to patch holes with girls, etc. There are things about my family I can't stand too, but instead of being angry or resentful, I've totally come to peace with the situation and accept they do what they do out of love. Maybe your situation is more severe emotionally, but there are ways to come to peace with it and project that openly to girls in a way they will respect and find attractive.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:35 pm 
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Decibel wrote:
Therapists can help deeply rooted issues, but if you've already given it a go and it's failed, then I agree try to handle it yourself.

1. Yes, explain what happened 15 years ago.
2. You seem to say you can connect ("So the challenge is not to connect on a deeper level") but you've contradicted this by saying "I stopped connecting." So which is it, can you or can you not connect with women on a deep level?
3. If you can, what is it that's allowing the connection initially, and what is it that's taking it away?
4. Do you want to meet your biological mother, and how would you feel if you did meet her? What need would this fulfill?
5. You're trying to compartmentalize your family issues from your game, and in fact the two apparently are intertwined. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can work on improving your game. You don't need to be connected with your family to have game, but you need to resolve whatever resentment or other inner issues are brewing because of the family status. For example, if you feel abandoned by your mom, then this fear could be spilling into future interactions with girls. Get it?
6. Opening up to women about your past isn't the deal killer. Being incongruent about it is. I mean, not fully accepting your past and dealing with it, but instead repressing your feelings about it, trying to patch holes with girls, etc. There are things about my family I can't stand too, but instead of being angry or resentful, I've totally come to peace with the situation and accept they do what they do out of love. Maybe your situation is more severe emotionally, but there are ways to come to peace with it and project that openly to girls in a way they will respect and find attractive.




1- Nothing really happened in my past to be judge "really Bad". I'm not a man who as been beated or sexually abused. (Although I did get a few kick in the ass from my dad, but that was just part of a education :D ).

The issue here is that they wanted a life for me that I never wanted. They have framed my life the way that they always wanted it, the way that benefited them the most.

This Is why I love NLP and hypnosis so much, It helps me re-frame my beliefs and my perception of my life, for my benefit and my pleasure.

I don't want to go in depth with this shit, so please respect that issue. This is a good familly, they helped me finance my university studies, I never missed any food, I was always well dressed and I lived in a big house. They are just :twisted:


2- I dont think I can connect on a deep level, because I don't let people in general connect with me on a deep level. It's like a give-give type of relation.

3- I'm not sure what you mean by your 3rd question, but I give it this direction. The more I open world or life to people, the more I have to talk about my relation with this familly.

There is a certain loss of manhood, well being and optimism when I let people in this part of my life, and I feel like a victim and I hate that. People also start getting soft and become very empathic and it anoys me, or other just think that I have a fuck up life and that I am fucked up.

And if I dont want to talk about it, I pass for a weirdo or If I do as I did for years and lie and say that the relation with them is great, then I live a lie and part of my relation with people are fake.


4- Yeah deep down inside I want to meet her, to know my blood lines and to know if I have sibblings.

5- you nailed it.

6- you nailed that one also Decibel. :drinks:


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:02 am 
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Sorry I'm late to the melee. The notice got lost in the mail, lol.

Well, there are therapists, and there are therapists. Most just sit there like Dr. Phil and ask "Well, how do you feel?" :D
Moving on.

Your disconnect, Star, comes from you not knowing your family, and, not knowing that emotional and physical attachment.
But, let's think about this. This knowledge is artificial, isn't it? Your mind believes that you're missing something, sorry, someone, and, if you had believed that that someone is present in your life, then, things may be different.

In this case, while self-hypnosis may help, I'd recommend against fooling yourself, and convincing yourself of something that you know for a fact.

However, there's one clear realization. Nowhere does it say that just because you're missing this mother-son human bond in your life, your own salvation and solution is to isolate yourself from emotions and deep connections.

You are, however, at a disadvantage, my good sir. You may have never known the close bond between you and your mom, and, on some level, you believe that this makes you incomplete in some way. In order to mask this (only in your mind) deficiency, you decide to eliminate all emotions, and, stay somewhat superficial.
An easy and all too familiar road. Something that many women do, once the going gets tough, or, the interaction brings them into the realm of unknown.

IT IS ALWAYS SAFER TO ABSTAIN RATHER THAN RISK.

But, just because you don't have (or, don't think you have) that bond, it doesn't mean that you're incapable of deep connection.
It's gonna be rough, and, it's gonna be scary, but, somewhere, in your new relationship (I wouldn't attempt to try this with an SNL), you should risk experiencing "going deeper".

How would you start?
How about by saying "Hey, I'm not that good at creating deep connection, (could be my bio mother issues), but, I'd like to try. It may be a little bumpy, but, I'm willing to experiment if you're not", and, go with your instinct.
It SHOULD feel good. Scary, but, good. If it doesn't, then, you're most definitely are being led on the wrong path, and, feel free to break the experiment off with "Hey, thank for trying, but, this is not feeling like I had imagined. Nothing against you, but, I'd much rather not experience pain associated with emotions."

Give it a shot. What do you have to risk? Becoming a better, more complete man?

_________________
http://www.RelationshipChef.com
"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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