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 Post subject: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:32 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:38 pm
Posts: 5
Hi,

I thought I would post this continuing problem and get some advice.

My problem is that I am not opening -- or at least very, very rarely.

Here is how it breaks down:

- I have been studying game for several years now. I have done bootcamps and seminars and read books. I have gone out and I have opened. I even did Hypnotica's newbie drill in which you open 20 girls every day for a week. It was completed successfully. Now, years later, I don't open.

- I don't feel the problem is that I am too "in my head." I am "in my head" many times but I practice mediation, yoga, so on. I can sit for hours and be comfortable with simply being. In fact, I feel that not being "in my head" may be part of why I don't open. I am content to let the world go by. I don't have the discontent necessary to go out and open.

- I don't "hit" on girls. I think this is the biggest problem. I don't actively hit on women. I am not sure how to teach myself to do that.

- Also, I do a lot of day game. Hitting on girls with direct game seems more appropriate for the night. Maybe I am wrong.

- Also, I just turned 40 so I am older than the average PUA.

So any advice? I really just think I should open more often. Do I go back and do everything I did before over again, like the Hypnotica drill? Is there a better way to get lasting change so that I will open for the rest of my life?

Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:14 am 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 6:57 pm
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Welcome to CC Cat.

Cat_PUA wrote:
I don't have the discontent necessary to go out and open.


Clarify. You don't open, or you don't go out and open? Do you sit at home, or do you actually make it a point to go out a few times a week and talk to girls? If you're not even going out, that's the first thing you need to address. If you are going out, what are you doing when you go out? What thoughts are in your head when you see a girl you want to approach?

If you aren't discontent, then pick up isn't for you. If you truly don't want women in your life (and I'm assuming you don't have any), then why bother going out to meet them? Be a hermit. Nothing wrong with that. Am I missing something here?

My feeling, though, since your handle has the term PUA in it, is you do in fact identify with being a PUA and want to get women. So saying you're content without meeting girls sounds like a contradiction. No?

Cat_PUA wrote:
I don't "hit" on girls. I think this is the biggest problem. I don't actively hit on women. I am not sure how to teach myself to do that.


Why not? You don't feel entitled to them? You're not comfortable with your sexuality? You're gay? Hitting on girls is a natural drive. Why don't you do it? What do you do instead?

Cat_PUA wrote:
- Also, I do a lot of day game. Hitting on girls with direct game seems more appropriate for the night. Maybe I am wrong.


Direct game has varying degrees of intensity. Being super direct may not work during the day like it would at night, but at some point you can be somewhat direct. Have you tried it during the day, or are you just speculating here?

Cat_PUA wrote:
- Also, I just turned 40 so I am older than the average PUA.


And?

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:15 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:38 pm
Posts: 5
To clarify, it boils down to the fact that people are a hassle. (Let's face it, if people were easy to figure out there would be no pickup community.)

My discontent comes from a lack of sex - which I haven't had in years - but the rest of my life is good. If I could have sex every couple of weeks and keep my current lifestyle, I would be fine. I want to have sex with women but I don't want to deal with everything associated with it.

I don't want a girlfriend largely because I don't want to be straddled with another person who slows me down, makes demands, makes me late and won't leave me alone. That said, I know girls exist who would undoubtedly be a great asset, not do any of those things that I listed and probably would actually improve my life. Intellectually, I know this. When you go out to a nightclub, however, you don't see this. You see girls in short skirts that I wouldn't mind banging but talking to them...? Jesus Christ, just shoot me.

This carries over into all parts of my life. For example, I will avoid eye contact with overly friendly cashiers not because I am insecure but because I don't want to get into a big conversation. I just don't want to hassle with it. I don't care if the barista wants to know how I am doing today."I am doing fine. Now get my fucking coffee."

Essentially, this is life on my terms - which is good - but I am not having sex. That's bad.

Prostitution is illegal and I am not advocating it publically for that reason. However, it has been very effective for me. I like that you can go in, pick a girl, do your business and then you are done. These girls tend to be rough around the edges and I don't like that. I also don't like having to go into someplace like Mexico to find an establishment. It's a different kind of hassle and a potentially life-threatening one.

I am not as negative as I may sound. I like some people. I have friends that I love and can't wait to see again. I know there are probably attractive single women that I would feel that enthusiastic about if I opened more often. I wouldn't mind having a few women in my life that I took places on occasion as well as had sex with -- a casual girlfriend or two or three. I know that there are girls who like a casual dating situation. I know they are out there. I guess I just don't want to deal with the girls I don't want to deal with. I am tired of kissing frogs, know what I mean?


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:36 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Location: SFV
Sounds to me like you've summarized most women in the following terms:

A wet hole you can put your dick into.

If prostitution were legal, you'd do it. If you could pull club girls without having to talk to them, you'd do it. If the girls working at Starbucks would give you what you needed without behaving like human beings, you'd be in favor of that.

So essentially, you don't want to deal with the human part of women. You just want the functional parts that serve you, whether that's getting you coffee or getting you off.

Now, with that mindset, do you think any girl with the slightest shred of self-worth would have anything to do with that kind of man?

You are purely seeking value from others, and don't want to give value. You want gratification without all the other stuff. Not how society works, my friend. If you maintain this mindset, you will attract the basest forms of people. That's fine if that's what you want. If you want better, you not only have to seek them out but you have to be a man worth their time and energy. Sounds like you don't have the patience to invest in either.

What's more, the things you consider a hassle, I consider a fascinating challenge. Whereas you find girlfriends as dead weight, I see them as liberating...if you select them correctly. When you're clearly eager to meet new people and learn their life stories and what makes them click, they will gravitate towards you. You then have selection. Right now, you hold the opposite mentality, and so are more likely to repel people.

So forget about picking up women and opening. Get to the root of your animosity towards humans in general and women specifically.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:48 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:38 pm
Posts: 5
Nice soap boxing but you missed the point. Anyone else?


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 1:16 pm 
 
no


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:06 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 6:57 pm
Posts: 4231
Location: SFV
Cat_PUA wrote:
Nice soap boxing but you missed the point. Anyone else?


Exactly the response I expected.

You've come here seeking value. You got value. I gave you my honest informed opinion, spent some giving it to you. Rather than acknowledge I may have a point, or even try to explain why I "missed the point," you dismissed it and again tried to seek value. You illustrated the point I was making.

I may be wrong in my assessment, but I doubt it. I don't sugar-coat, and I don't soap box. I tell guys probably what nobody else is telling them. I don't expect you to accept my advice right now because of your ego. But when you're ready we can engage in constructive dialogue.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 6:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 7:53 pm
Posts: 281
Location: Studio City
What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Decibel is right, you're looking for validation for the way you feel. If you want an example take a look at Sexter's old posts.

Thing is dude, if you have no interest in anyone else's life why would they ever be interested in yours? Let me ask you, name me 10 reasons why a girl, shit forget girl, anyone should like you.

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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 11:20 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:15 pm
Posts: 780
Location: Hollywood, 2 blocks from Higlands
psshhh. come back when your batteries run out and you're human again

_________________
"The average worth of a woman is 45 dollars, since that's the amount you'd pay for a decent prostitute. 45 bucks isn't worth ruining your life, or career for"

"The only reason to put a woman on a pedestal is so you can look up her skirt"

- Gary Brodsky


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 Post subject: Re: Not opening
 Post Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:15 am 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 9:43 pm
Posts: 31
Location: Chicago
The only way to really break free of what isn't working for you is to do exactly the opposite. In your case to need to learn that women are fucking awesome creatures. They can be smarter, funnier, easier to talk to and flat out better to be around. Than any of your guy friends. So, In order for you to take this mindset on.

Say this, "I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground." It's not meant to be derogatory. It's meant to clear your ego of thinking that you are right, so you are ready to take on all of this with a new mindset.

When you start to embrace the thought that you might have a wrong way of thinking and that you need to restart from scratch. Come back and try this again.

If you don't want to listen to the advice given here. Do me a favor. Say, "Hello" to Pamela Handerson for me :give_rose: . I don't see her as much as I use to.


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