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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 4:07 am 
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RogueWolf wrote:
My father thought I was a complete failure up until high school, and when I tried to live up to his expectations, I simply could not catch up to everyone else. Despite attending one of the University of California’s and graduating with two majors, on the graduation day, my father told me that he was disappointed that I went a low-tier school.


I wouldn't worry about this because it is literally impossible to appease Asian parents. I got yelled at because UCLA was not Stanford.

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:16 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 6:57 pm
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Location: SFV
RogueWolf wrote:
1. I have situational confidence. If I’m in a university lecture hall, in anything remotely dealing with a type of humanities subject, I am certain of myself. When I’m dressed well, and have something to prove, I feel unstoppable. But when I’m dealing with people who excel in a difference subject from me, I feel lack. When I interact with people who have better paying jobs, I somehow feel incompetent and that somehow I might not be good enough.


Partly this goes back to the issue of competence. You lack competence in certain areas, so you feel threatened and therefore lack confidence. If I stood next to you in a lecture hall talking about humanities, you would have the upper hand. I could either a) gain greater competence than you in the humanities so as to be superior to you, and as a result become more confident, or b) simply accept I can't be superior at all things, and relinquish to you. I choose b, because life is short and I can't be bothered to measure myself against others.

You on the other hand care how you measure up against others. And if you can't, then you feel (that is, your ego feels) threatened and scared. So first step, give up the notion that this (this being life, women, money, etc) is a race or competition. You're good at what you're good at. If making money isn't your thing, oh well. Others have well-paying jobs because they earned them. If you didn't earn it, then you have no right to compare yourself to those who did.

You will find yourself caring less and less about how you compare with others as you gain greater competence. The better I became with women, the less I cared about bragging or proving myself. True confidence stems from internalizing a belief, which largely ignores the beliefs of those around you.

More later...

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:51 am 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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RogueWolf wrote:
2. I understand that competence is the ability to be effective at a task or skill, but without the confidence required, the ability to obtain that level of competency becomes marred through self-defeating thoughts and action.


No, confidence comes with becoming competent, which comes with practice and enjoying the process. My rise to competence was disturbed by self-defeating thoughts, but it wasn't marred. I pushed those thoughts out and took the actions I needed until the skills became second nature. Eventually those thoughts disappear. How long? Maybe years, going out several nights a week every week. At some point you hit a point where those self-defeating thoughts and actions are minimal or non-existent, or at very least you're going through the motions on autopilot, so any clutter bounces off.

Read Mastery if you're having problems becoming process-oriented.

RogueWolf wrote:
3. I’m not sure if my boldness is a crutch, as I firmly believe that initiative stems from boldness, and it is a necessary trait for those that wish to be successful in life. (Fortune favors the bold, etc.)


Boldness can be a crutch, but I'm not saying this is bad. If you HAD to jump out of a plane it's better to be bold and just jump, rather than sit there and get worked up about it. Eventually the boldness turns to confidence. Again, this happens with repetition and practice, as you become desensitized to the negative emotions.

Fortune accepts the bold, but it favors the confident.

RogueWolf wrote:
4. Of course, where should I start? As a kid I grew up in quite a racist environment, I was one of the few Asian kids at my school, and was picked on a lot, and made to feel not just different, but racially inferior on some level. When I moved schools, I had to compete with wealthier and better adjusted Asian students, whom I could not properly compete with, as I transferred from a high school with a 30% drop out rate. I had to get to the top 25% of my school in order to get into advanced placement classes, due to a misreading of the no-child-left-behind act by my school staff, and I had never caught up in math in comparison to all of my other Asian classmates. My father thought I was a complete failure up until high school, and when I tried to live up to his expectations, I simply could not catch up to everyone else. Despite attending one of the University of California’s and graduating with two majors, on the graduation day, my father told me that he was disappointed that I went a low-tier school.

Oh, and did I mention that some girl called me ugly as a kid, and I’ve been obsessed with my looks ever since then? I get depressed because I don’t think my eyebrows are perfectly symmetrical.

With all of that said, I know, don’t be a pussy, man up to the fight of life, press on, and all of that good shit. I try my best to leave the past behind, and push forward. A moment waited fighting the wars of yesterday are wasted, as I have other issues to deal with in the present. I know a lot of what I faced in the past is sheer confidence, and is a bad case of fate. Despite that, I most improvise with regards to my limitations, adapt to the current situation, and overcome whatever obstacles that is in my way.

I know, I feel it, but sometimes, I falter.


This is the same story a lot of guys tell, with different characters (myself included). At some point, you WILL stop allowing the past to control you like this. You're letting a high school kid tell you how to live your life right now. That's insane.

You can't just ignore your past and how people treated you, because now it's deeply embedded in your subconscious. The way to root out these feelings is by addressing them at the subconscious level, which is tough. But there are solutions.

As for your dad belittling you, consider forgiving him.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:39 pm 
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Much thanks, this has been actually tremendously useful.

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