Home   Forum   Register   Login   Search

Board index » The Infamous Casanova Crew Forum » Pick Up Lines, Tips & Techniques » Relationships



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:19 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 16
Location: Inland Empire
I have a week left in my stay in my vacation. A few weeks before that I met an HB7.5 that became my FWB. She knew the deal during our first date. It was going to be nothing more than a booty call between us and it was for the first week. Then during our last meeting she admits that she has fallen for me pretty hard, but I don't feel the same way. I know I should end this relationship, but then she told me she would be completely heart broken, and the last time she felt that way she became "mentally unstable" to put it lightly. How should I ease her off me? Or should I just be a cold bastard about it?


Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on OrkutShare on DiggShare on RedditShare on DeliciousShare on TechnoratiShare on TumblrShare on Google+
Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 6:42 pm 
Offline
Mexinova CC Podcast Host

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:57 pm
Posts: 684
i started a thread on it and although i got some good responces but none will make breaking the news any easier.

What I do advise which although is not completely honest but conveys the message in a less painful way, is to tell her your not ready to commit to LTR at this time in your life.

Tell her you just got out of one and it wouldnt be fair to you or her to be in something you cannot give the 100% it deserves. Tell her for you to be with her for a short while would be very devasting as you know deep down you will fail her.

Short but sweet not ready at this time in your life but assure her shes a great person and had it been at different place and time in your life things could might be different.

get my drift? almost like gaming but in the other way...


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:18 pm 
Offline
CC Hollywood Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:15 pm
Posts: 780
Location: Hollywood, 2 blocks from Higlands
http://www.chocolateissexyblog.com/2010 ... efits.html

THE ART OF FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS



The 'friend with benefits' is not the same thing as a 'fuck buddy'. It is someone who is first a friend, in your social circle, who becomes someone you sleep with casually without commitment. The friend with benefits relationship is dangerous territory and I don't recommend it for several reasons:

1. It risks the friendship.
2. It changes the dynamic of the entire friend group.
3. It makes you complacent about finding a real lover.
4. Somebody usually gets hurt in the end.

Before fucking your friend, try to honestly assess your motivations and agenda for sleeping with them. Is it because it's convenient and comfortable? Do you have feelings for this person and want to explore them? Or are you secretly hoping that intimacy will lead to a relationship?

If you consider your intentions beforehand, you may realize there are better ways to approach getting what you need from sex or what you want from this person. But alas, humans are weak, impatient and horny, and we all find ourselves in these type of affairs from time to time. So whether you are in a FWB relationship now, or tempted to start one, it is important to consider the risks and outcomes that may arise from fucking your friend.



RISKS:

One, or both of you, gets attached:

Unless you are dead inside, it's impossible to not feel at least a stir of emotion after you've been intimate with a friend for some time. It's not that these emotions mean you want to become romantically involved or that you are falling in love, it just indicates you've become invested. Emotional involvement is a natural reaction when you share any kind of bond with a person, whether or not it involves sex. Friends with benefits gets tricky because you are taking a connection that is already there and deepening it with intimacy, which will naturally lead to deeper emotional investment. That's why it's so hard to not get attached.

If you both end up getting attached and decide it's a good idea to pursue a relationship then go for it, it's probably worth exploring. But if one of you still insists that a relationship is not what you want, and one of you wants more, then you've entered into a very dangerous zone.

If you still value each other, then your ultimate goal should be to salvage the friendship. This means ending the benefits portion of the affair immediately, but with respect and care. Try to make your friend understand you care about them and are just not available for something committed. Then give it space so everybody's emotions have time to cool and you can settle back into being platonic.

If you're the one who wants more, and this is not an option, then you need to have the discipline to walk away for a while so you can have a chance to let go. Try to avoid taking things personally because obviously your friend cares for you, and either you're just not meant to be together or the timing isn't right.

You could miss out on something better:

There is definitely a convenience and comfort factor to getting your sexual needs met by a friend. But the time you spend fucking your friend is time away from potentially meeting a partner that you could actually have a relationship with. It's easy to get complacent about meeting prospectives when your basic sexual needs are taken care of. But it's not really fair to either of you to pursue this ambiguous arrangement if you what you really want is something more. Plus it is important not to settle into a relationship with this friend because it's safe. You should keep yourself available for the ultimate prize and even abstain from sex to wait for a better fit.

You could lose the friendship:

There are certain emotions that can creep into a FWB scenario that can be detrimental to the friendship and hard to recover from:

Jealousy-
When one or both of you are fucking other people, it is hard not to get jealous and possessive. This is because it makes you feel less important when you are sharing your lover, even if you don't want a relationship with this person. Also, it can be disrespectful to maintain a sexual relationship with someone you care about while you're pursuing something better. And once respect is lost, it's impossible to sustain a real friendship. So try to not to use your friend as someone to fuck while you are dating and pursuing something more permanent.

Rejection-
Ultimately we all want to be wanted, and having someone we care about have sex with us can be reassuring. That's why its so jolting when we realize that they only want us to a limit. When someone takes away or cuts short their involvement it can make you feel unworthy and rejected. The ego doesn't like rejection and the feeling of it can be so crushing, that our initial reaction is to hurt this friend, even though you care about them. The things we do and say when we feel rejected can be so harmful to ourselves and others, that it's hard to come back from. So try to be forgiving if your friend has reacted from a place or rejection, and be sure to be apologetic if you have done the same.

Fear-
The more we share our time, bodies and feelings with another, the more we become vulnerable to each other. People deal with vulnerability in many different ways. Sometimes changing the dynamic of a relationship from a friendship level to a place of more depth and exposure, can freak people out. Adding sex to a friendship inherently alters the nature of the relationship, and sometimes this can deepen things in ways we're not ready for. If you start to feel in over your head and your reaction is to bail, try to exit gracefully so the friendship can be spared and nobody feels rejected. If your partner is the one getting squirmy, then give them space and be the supportive friend they need you to be.



BENEFITS:

There are scenarios where friends with benefits can work for both parties without destroying the bond. This is when you are both unattached, not interested in dating and want to enjoy sex together in a non-committal way. There needs to be a mutual belief that there is no value in pursuing a romantic relationship together and that you are fucking each other as a safe way to get sex. There is a time cap on how long this can last, and that is something you will have to navigate as you go along. If you keep an honest and open line of communication throughout the affair, this can indeed be a great way to enjoy sex with the freedom of not being in a relationship.

ALTERNATIVES:

There are so many people in the world good enough for you to sleep with, why risk a friendship by confusing it with sex? Consider having a fuck buddy (see "The Art of The Fuck Buddy") or put the effort into dating women you potentially want to be with. Plus it can be healthy to take a break from sex every once in a while, especially if you're not available emotionally and not ready for a commitment.

_________________
"The average worth of a woman is 45 dollars, since that's the amount you'd pay for a decent prostitute. 45 bucks isn't worth ruining your life, or career for"

"The only reason to put a woman on a pedestal is so you can look up her skirt"

- Gary Brodsky


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:19 pm 
Offline
CC Hollywood Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:15 pm
Posts: 780
Location: Hollywood, 2 blocks from Higlands
http://www.chocolateissexyblog.com/2009 ... buddy.html

THE ART OF THE FUCK BUDDY

There are several points in one's dating career where it is perfectly suitable and beneficial for one to maintain a fuck buddy. A fuck buddy is basically a friend you casually sleep with in a mutually unobliged way. However, this can be tricky territory to navigate because as humans, we have the tendency to complicate sex with emotions and things like love and shit. When two people can let go of needing each other and fuck with abandon for the sake of the orgasm, then they have the potential to experience the beautiful freedom of having a booty call for sex.

Who:
Somebody you know you don't want a romantic relationship with. Someone you have no charged emotions with, no complicated history. Someone you respect and find attractive enough and enjoy sex with.
There should be no agenda on either person's part except to get off and go home. Most importantly there has to be a mutual desire that this is about one thing only, and that there is no potential for it to become romantic or public.

When to Start it:
As long as you're not in a committed relationship, you're good to go. Having a fuck buddy is especially beneficial in times when you are pursuing a relationship and need a release from the sexual tension of dating. When you are pursuing a girlfriend candidate, it is important to take the time for sex to happen and not be too eager. So the fuck buddy can be your go to for sex until the girl you're dating becomes your primary lover.

The Booty Call:
The 'booty call' should be recoined as the 'booty text', because calling has become invasive and rude in this day and age. So text your fuck buddy something flirty and provocative when you are in the need, and if she flirts back then arrange a place and time and get it done. If she texts you first, and you're not available, let her know...don't flirt if it's not going to happen; that just wastes everyone's time, since the booty call is all about efficiency.

Terms of Play:
The fuck buddy should not be an ex-girlfriend, someone you want to date, or someone who wants you.
Do not date your fuck buddy.
Do not fuck your fuck buddy more than once a week.
Do not sleepover with your fuck buddy.
Invitations should be direct and blatantly sexual; no phone calls.
Keep your fuck buddy in a separate world from your real buddies.
Do not get entangled in each others lives or emotions; talk less, fuck more.
Do not be drunk every time; once in a while is ok but be respectful.
Don't travel further for sex than you would for work.

When to End it:
As soon as there's a fight, public display of affection, talk of the future, questions about other women...that means the emotions have been engaged and the affair should be ended. The fuck buddy situation only works when both people are on the same page and if their is a shift in that dynamic things can get ugly fast.
So don't be selfish; revert back to friends as soon as you think someone has become attached. If you can end it with respect, you may have a chance to pick it up again later once the cloud of emotions has cleared. Most of the time, feelings of wanting more are simply the illusions of intimacy from having consistent sex for an extended period of time. So if you think you want to jump into a relationship together, give it some space first to make sure those desires are genuine.

_________________
"The average worth of a woman is 45 dollars, since that's the amount you'd pay for a decent prostitute. 45 bucks isn't worth ruining your life, or career for"

"The only reason to put a woman on a pedestal is so you can look up her skirt"

- Gary Brodsky


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 9:15 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 16
Location: Inland Empire
Thanks for all the help guys. It really helped put things in perspective. I went with a honest and direct approach to the situation. I told here I wasn't ready to commit especially for a long distance relationship. That last part helped smooth things over and she still wants to be FWB's. Maybe I can take Santa's advice and cut the benefit part out after I leave because she has a lot of good connections I want to use. I know this is a dangerous game I'm playing right now, but I think I can pull it off.


Top 
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

Board index » The Infamous Casanova Crew Forum » Pick Up Lines, Tips & Techniques » Relationships


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron