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 Post Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 10:17 pm 
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These are new issues that I haven't experienced in a LTR pretty much ever.

Family/friends issue: The girl I'm dating is very close to her family/friends, so there is always an event that she is attending that's being hosted by one of them. When we first started dating, this wasn't a problem and she was always finding time to see me... but barely a week after I agreed that we should be in an exclusive relationship, things slowly started going downhill . I noticed that the amount of effort she has been putting into seeing me had dropped, while the amount of time seeing her family/friends had risen. After a couple weeks of this BS, I pretty much told her we're through--and she was nearly shocked. yes she thought that things between us were a little off, but she didn't know that we were that close to the break-up point. In her mind us meeting for lunch once a week (and no sex that whole week--more on that later), was a completely normal thing since she was just "busy."
Question: how the fukk do I get her to get back to balancing her family/friends/job with actually having time for her boyfriend? I mean I already broke it off with her, and she's the one who want wants to work things out and get back together. Yet look at this text thread following a phonecall where I said if she doesn't start making more time for us to be together we're 100% through:

Her: So we're totally done and there's nothing to talk about, am I correct?
Me: Come over today
her: How about I meet you at a University ave cafe at 7:30 <----another BS attempt at a coffee date, especially after I said I want to be with her as a boyfriend not a coffee buddy
Me: Nope
Me: come after 10.
Her: No. I'm having dinner with my dad, and I'm not cutting it short so we can do things to your convenience.


Sex issue: Early on when I ask different girls I'm dating this question: "in an ideal world how many times would you be having sex/day?" the answer I get is usually 2+ times/day. her answer was "maybe 3 times/ week. I don't want to be some sex addict." I of course did my best to reframe it with something like: "But I'm so irresistible, don't be surprised if that number goes up to at least 4." And of course at the beginning there was indeed a lot of sex--not as much as with the other girls I've dated--but enough to keep me satisfied. Now due to her being so "busy," constant influence by judgemental girlfirends who view sex as bad, and the fact that she views us getting lunch together and going our separate ways a fulfilling relationship--it's been weeks since sex. She even throws negative hints like "so you just want to meet for sex, is that the only reason you want to see me"? And now that we're broken up and in the seeing if we work things out stage, I already know she is going to use sex as a bargaining tool: "I only have sex with guys who I'm in a relationship with, so until we're officially back together, no sex."


Questions: How do you combat it when a girl uses sex as a bargaining tool? Also, how do I get this girl to believe that she is a sexual creature who loves, and should be craving, sex? <-- I think overall the sex we had was pretty damn good, and she was very satisfied, so there is only so much more I could do in that department.

Thanks for the advice!


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 Post Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 6:17 pm 
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You "got" the girl, she stopped putting in the effort. BAD SIGN. Tom Lykis used to talk about this. These are the women who get a guy, then let themselves get fat, stop having sex, etc.

Quote:
How do you combat it when a girl uses sex as a bargaining tool?


You break up with them, and you tell them why. Sex isn't a bargaining tool. It's a natural, healthy thing that grown adults enjoy together on a frequent basis. A woman who uses sex as a "chip" isn't mature.

Quote:
Also, how do I get this girl to believe that she is a sexual creature who loves, and should be craving, sex?


You cannot change someone else's attitude about anything, and it's not your job to do so.

Clearly this girl isn't the right one for you, and you're better off without her. If you want to be nice, and perhaps educate her on how men think, or at least how you think, simply sit her down and tell her that you like her a lot, but your needs are not being met. Plain and simple. Sex isn't important to her, but it is to you.

You're not a match.

FYI,

Sexual differences are the NUMBER ONE cause of all breakups in America. The problem you face is a normal one. Good luck.

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 Post Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 1:20 pm 
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Crash wrote:
Clearly this girl isn't the right one for you, and you're better off without her. If you want to be nice, and perhaps educate her on how men think, or at least how you think, simply sit her down and tell her that you like her a lot, but your needs are not being met. Plain and simple. Sex isn't important to her, but it is to you.
Good luck.


I agree, but keep in mind that we're talking from a more "enlightened" male perspective. This perspective tends to come from studying game, where you learn more and more how to be your best self, and how to bring out the best in her.
A lot of women's views on sex still come from their judgemental families and friends, so approaching her about it from a logical standpoint is not only going to not work, but she will just find offensive. I feel that as men, we need to (at least to some degree) help women out of the shell that society has placed them into.


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 Post Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 4:19 pm 
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I'm getting the feeling crash is right about this. The chick is sexually immature and trying to keep you around so she can meet her ulterior motive (tell people she has a boyfriend, get free lunch, whatever the case may be). Do you want to be the guy who helps her mature? This might happen but it can mean months or years with a shitty sex life.

You've given her an ultimatum and she didn't sound that willing to meet your terms. If she really wanted to continue with you she would be eager to bend. What you're asking is certainly reasonable.

Why do you want to pursue a relationship with a girl who isn't that into you?

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The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 2:56 pm 
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Quote:
I'm getting the feeling crash is right about this.


It's official. Hell has frozen over, and pigs are starting to fly... LOL :hahaha:

I know it probably hurt for you to say the above sentence, (J/k... well, maybe... lol) but hey, we're in agreement on this one!

I agree with you on this one too:

Quote:
Why do you want to pursue a relationship with a girl who isn't that into you?

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 Post Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 1:02 am 
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SMERSH wrote:
Crash wrote:
Clearly this girl isn't the right one for you, and you're better off without her. If you want to be nice, and perhaps educate her on how men think, or at least how you think, simply sit her down and tell her that you like her a lot, but your needs are not being met.


I agree, but keep in mind that we're talking from a more "enlightened" male perspective. This perspective tends to come from studying game, where you learn more and more how to be your best self, and how to bring out the best in her.
A lot of women's views on sex still come from their judgmental families and friends, so approaching her about it from a logical standpoint is not only going to not work, but she will just find offensive. I feel that as men, we need to (at least to some degree) help women out of the shell that society has placed them into.


Beautifully said.
You're looking for a solution? Well, try this FROM SOMEBODY WHO'S LIVED IT!
(Sorry, doode, that was for the keyboard jockey named Decibel).

Communication is so important in any interaction. (DB, don't even dare to copy this!)
Speak to her.
Tell her that you don't want to feel like you're any less important in her life than her father. Different, fine. Less important, not cool.

Be flexible when she tries to downplay what she wants vs. what you want. (And, as far as Crash's statement about "needs", well, I can argue that all day long, but, there's an important point there)

If you tell her "my needs aren't being met", it simply states that there's a demand, and, no flexibility on your part whatsoever.
If, however, you explain to her that you simply enjoy sex, and, more importantly, you immensely enjoy sex with her, she'll get it through her "ME FIRST!!!" mind that this is your conscious choice, and, not something you're not in control of.

So, the question still remains. How do you carve out the time in her life for you?
Simply by explaining to her that you stating "we're in a exclusive relationship" means that you've promoted her in your list of priorities to the top (or, nearly), and, would like her to do the same. If, she's unwilling (or incapable) of doing so, that's fine. There's only about 5,000 women who are starving to be replace her, like, RIGHT NOW.

If she's willing to put the work in the relationship, that means, EQUAL EFFORT from both parties.
If she's busy, that's perfectly cool. But, if she finds the time to have dinner with her father once a week, that means that she can find the time to hang with you the next week. No sex? That's fine. But, no sex EVER?
Again, explain to her that you simply enjoy "sex with her". To you, it's an expression of intimacy, and, not just a way to get off. (For that, you have "Rosy Palm and her five sisters")

Say things like "I enjoy being with you, and the feeling of having you near".
Again, clearly display that you're willing to meet her halfway, but, you will NOT do ALL the work required to make this work. And, that includes you finding the time to see her, while her only finding the time for her family/friends.

This is about her being respectful, attentive, and, considerate toward you.

Bottom line is, it takes two to tango.
A relationship is combined work of two people.
Talk, work through it, or, leave it together.

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"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 6:25 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Funny how envy has to preempt every post by insulting me. It made crash look ridiculous so I have no idea why you'd wanna copy his style.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 6:30 pm 
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As far as provocations go, that's pretty pathetic, which, is your usual style.
Comparing me with Crash? Thanks.

Either way, you're still a silly keyboard jockey.
Oh, and don't forget to boast about your podcast.

Btw, have you raised your coaching prices yet? What is it now, $5k?
Urgh!

_________________
http://www.RelationshipChef.com
"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 10:15 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Posts: 4231
Location: SFV
Nope still doing it for free.

Look I guess from the amount of anger and hatred you spew on this forum you've had a pretty fucked up life. My advice not that you'd take it is to keep it to yourself and seek help. This should be a place of growth and learning. If you disagree with someone's opinion you should be able to express this without turning it into a personal attack. If you can't play nice then you should be shown the door.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 5:34 am 
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You little cheeseball!
Why the fuck Crash and I offered to wholeheartedly support your little monkey ass at the CC picnic I'll never know!
And, I was the one trying to convince Crash that you should be given a chance, and a reasonable doubt!

This is how you pay back to those who defended you?
You little monkey shit...

How the fuck do you solicit those testimonials from your students?
Blowjobs?

Ugh!
I feel disgusted.
Now I gotta go take a shower.

_________________
http://www.RelationshipChef.com
"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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