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 Post Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 5:31 am 
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Sup Casanova Crew? This is my 2nd time posting this since I posted it in the wrong thread the first time. I'm Mixin from Chicago just stopping in to say hi. I currently live and do pick-up in chicago and am a active member in Project-Chicago but post more in The Chicago lair (cause that's where all the talent is ;) I figured I'd give you guys a little gift. This is my favorite post from our lair about maintaining MLTR's. Enjoy.....

7 Hot Tips for the Wannabe Ladies man

originally posted: 3-25-09

It’s every man’s dream.

Having your cake and eating it too.

I’m talking about a drama free environment of multiple non-exclusive relationships with HOT girls.

But where to start? Have you ever actually met anyone who has been able to pull it off?

Lucky for you, I’ve gone through the process multiple times. I’ll help you avoid the common pitfalls guys encounter when diving into the world of multiple girlfriends.

The thing I see over and over is the dissonance between what you want and what you project. Looking for a girl you can randomly hookup with, no strings attached, but unintentionally projecting “monogamous vibes” onto the relationship.

This is because main-stream media only gives examples of relationships where sex = monogamy.

Over time I have come to realize that women are just as interested in these types of relationships as men. It’s just the way men come across. It is easy to see why girls expect more out of the relationship, because the man is projecting through his mannerisms and actions boyfriend type “vibes.”

Utilizing these techniques will instill certain patterns that lead to naturally conveying the right qualities. They are very effective, but you don’t want to be a social robot. Be flexible.

Each tip is beneficial when starting out, but after a while your subcommunications will be congruent with what these rules are trying to convey and they won’t be as necessary.

1. Don't meet up with the girl more than once a week.

If you can keep the relationship to only meeting up once a week, you mitigate the chances of it escalating into something more serious. It keeps the relationship moving at a very slow pace, and neither of you are going to develop a deep emotional connection.

It is a hard-wired human trait that the more time spent with someone, the more pair bonding takes place, where there is an actual chemical dependency between the two of you. It is inevitable that the relationship will head in a traditional direction if you see each other too much. And what happens with a traditional BF/GF relationship? Exclusivity.

Also, don’t text/call the girl EVERY day. You don’t want her thinking about you day in and day out. It causes positive feedback loops where she is continuously picturing the two of you together, and will try to make her thoughts into a reality.

2. Don't fall into the traditional frame of buying her gifts, going to dinner, meeting the parents, holding hands, etc.

Basically what a lot of these rules accomplish is that you are trying to keep the relationship out of traditional boyfriend-girlfriend zone. The more actions you do that can be considered boyfriend/girlfriend actions, the more likely she will think you two ARE in a serious relationship.

This also pertains to how you act with your mutual friends and when going out to bars/clubs together. Treat her like every other friend, and DON’T GET JEALOUS if she is talking to other guys.

You aren’t exclusive with her, so why should she have to be? Just because you meet each other out doesn’t GUARANTEE that you are going to end up together at the end of the night. If she ends up with some one else, it shouldn’t affect you.

3. Be discrete.

Don’t flaunt your successes. No matter if it’s just with your friends or other girls, it’s a bad idea. Word will spread that you “kiss and tell,” and if any girl sleeps with you, a lot of people are going to find out about it.

You might be wondering, “But how am I supposed to be considered the ‘sex-worthy’ guy if no one knows it?”

It is SUBCOMMUNICATED. It’s pretty obvious based on how often you see the girl, and the way you act around her that you have lots of options, and are probably seeing multiple women.

4. Don't worry about the “relationship talk” until it comes up. NEVER be the one to bring it up.

I hear it over and over... “What do I do when she asks what are we? Let’s be boyfriend-girlfiend?”

Follow my advice, it’s a non-issue until it becomes one. Don’t worry about.

Some people suggest proactively telling the girl what your intentions are…

Well, unless the girl is VERY non traditional and sexually open, you are going to have a lot fewer options, because most girls just aren’t willing to frame the relationship in that way.

It’s more of a tacit understanding. It doesn’t need to get talked about until things reach a point where one of you builds a strong enough emotional attachment that you desire more from the relationship.

5. When “the talk” does come up, be honest.

Don’t lie to her about how you view the relationship. Be straight forward, and don’t pussyfoot around. Honesty is key.

You probably really enjoy her company, the sex is probably pretty good, but you aren’t in a place in your life where you want a serious relationship right now.

This is not some line, but actually the headspace I am in when this discussion comes up.

EXTRA:

Two questions that girls ask, that they NEVER want answered…

“How many girls have you been with?”
“Have you been with any other girls since we started hooking up?”

I am all for the authentic/genuine guy thing, but certain things are just going to destroy the relationship. How do you answer these properly?

Girl: How many girls have you been with?
YOU: I understand what you are trying to ask. Don’t worry I have always been safe and am tested.

Girl: Are you hooking up with any other girls?
YOU: Girl, I have been so busy, I don’t even have time to THINK about other girls…

-Again, it’s tacitly subcommunicated that you are seeing other girls, no need to verbalize it and hurt the woman’s feelings.

6. Don't flirt with other girls in front of her.

It's cool to talk to girls, just don't actively flirt and start making out with someone in front of her. It's mean and tacky.

Jealousy plotlines and the like are great during the initial interaction, but if you already sleeping together, there is no need to bring jealousy into the relationship.

You should be SUBCOMMUNICATING plenty of non-neediness and being “a man of many options” because you are sleeping with multiple women. No need to flaunt it in her face.

Also, if you already have multiple girls, why are you in such a hurry to go out and meet more when you’re with one of your girlfriends? It smells of insecurity, and an addiction to pickup. Compartmentalize your nights of cold approaching and the nights spent out with your girl, which I know is easier said than done.

7. Use distance to end the relationship.

Girls are smart. They more than likely have broken up with multiple guys in there lifetime. This might be a new circumstance for you.

All you really need to do is distance yourself from the girl. Don’t attempt to meet up with her, and stop calling and texting. She will get the point quickly.

You are basically putting her into the “friend zone.” The sexual tension just dissipates over time and it turns into more of a friendship than a sexual relationship.

The thing you don’t want to do is completely cut off the conversation. If she texts you, respond with something benign. Don’t egg her on and get sexual or flirty.

What you are trying to avoid is completely shutting her out of your life, burning bridges and never talking to each other again. By keeping things open and friendly you have the opportunity to hook up again somewhere down the line if you happen to run into each other…

Conclusion:

Realize that these types of relationships are more natural and commonplace than you would expect. It’s just something that isn’t talked about because verbalizing it goes against some of the core tenets of how these relationships form.

Stick to the rules, but be flexible as you get more experience and see where it leads.

Welcome to the secret society.


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 Post Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:42 am 
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CC Boston Team Lead
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I like people who share THEIR OWN knowledge


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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 3:08 pm 
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Envy wrote:
I like people who share THEIR OWN knowledge


Even if it's the wrong knowledge? Be careful what you read.


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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 3:21 pm 
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Mixin Swagger wrote:
Envy wrote:
I like people who share THEIR OWN knowledge


Even if it's the wrong knowledge? Be careful what you read.

By definition, EXPERIENCE is one's own knowledge, and, there's no such thing as BAD experience.
(Unless, of course, you don't learn from it. Then, it ceases to be knowledge, and, becomes "definition of insanity" per Albert Einstein"

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"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 4:47 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 9:43 pm
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Location: Chicago
Envy wrote:
Mixin Swagger wrote:
Envy wrote:
I like people who share THEIR OWN knowledge


Even if it's the wrong knowledge? Be careful what you read.

By definition, EXPERIENCE is one's own knowledge, and, there's no such thing as BAD experience.
(Unless, of course, you don't learn from it. Then, it ceases to be knowledge, and, becomes "definition of insanity" per Albert Einstein"


Knowledge: the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association (2) : acquaintance with or understanding of a science, art, or technique.

Or association, For instance, if someone read or was told, the wrong information and believed it to be correct. However, if experience you are referring too. I do agree with you. Nobody's wrong here.

If a post wasn't good in my experience and didn't help me. Then I wouldn't hold it up on a pedestal. I hope you can forgive me for trying to pass some good knowlege around.

"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."
Albert Einstein


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 Post Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 5:12 pm 
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Location: cold and rainy Boston
Mixin Swagger wrote:
I hope you can forgive me for trying to pass some good knowledge around.

There's absolutely nothing to forgive, as, you have done nothing wrong.
Alas, my own reactions have been abused by so many people on this forum reposting info in feeble attempts to acquire some knowledge, and, subsequently, passing it as their own. (Decibel being the main culprit).

Again, my apologies if I came off as my usual self, abusive and rude. :)

I do prefer a simple method I call "Make it Japanese".

Japanese are guilty of stealing so many things from so many sources. Clothes from Chinese, technology from Europe, culture from US. But, there's one thing that separates their "stealing" from your common theft.
They assimilate their new-found information, and, convert it into something that is truly authentic, truly Japanese.

Therefore, my view on this is as follows.
Read, barring a coach. That's the only way you will learn. But, don't stop there.
Go out in the real world, and, figure out what works for you, and, whether it works at all.
Then, you will end up with a very select set of skills that will allow to so much while using so little.

Read. Practice. Then, learn.

And, once more. Nothing to apologize for. On the contrary, I should be asking for forgiveness for being rather brusque

_________________
http://www.RelationshipChef.com
"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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 Post Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:30 am 
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Kay.... Anyway.... Good to know that I'm not the only one guilty of send girls packets of mixed vibes. Buy her dinner one night, not call her for a few nights... Hot and cold is a hard thing to be when you're leading the pace of the relationship. But, it's just hormones after all.

RSD always comes at these tough issues with an iron hammer approach to attitude adjustment. I think this misses a lot of nuance. These are supposed to be sex partners AND activity partners, women we WANT to do things with, not just sleep with. And this applies to single relationships that we're trying to keep at reasonably slow progressions.

My Question: How do you know if you've bitten off more than you can chew?

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Pinky: They give me that saucy librarian look, you know all bookish? Then, take off the glasses, let down and the hair and RARR
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 Post Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:29 am 
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pink wrote:

My Question: How do you know if you've bitten off more than you can chew?

Explain what you mean by "more than you can chew"

_________________
http://www.RelationshipChef.com
"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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 Post Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:21 pm 
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I like how there's barely any posts by cats and they drop their "Guru's" ish...

C'mon, mang.

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 Post Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:13 am 
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Talkin' 'bout me, son?

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"Helping you discover ingredients you've had all along"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches"


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