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 Post subject: Guys who stay single
 Post Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 12:58 pm 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Here's some article from match.com I found, explaining why boys stay single into their 30s and beyond. I'll list the main points and my analysis. If you wanna read the whole thing:

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... rID=689629

Take-home message of the article (naturally, given that it's written on a dating site), if you're getting into your 30s and up and are still single, there's probably something wrong with you.

Yes and no. The article doesn't go deep enough.

1. You put career first, and think women get in the way of this.

Yes, dysfunctional women can get in the way. If you surround yourself with nut jobs, they will distract your energy from your career, and you'll become gun-shy. Solution: screen out the emotionally labile, clingy, crazy ones and invest in the emotionally nurturing, muture, independent ones. They're out there, though you may have to look forever to find them. You first gotta start setting higher standards for yourself, and be quick to dismiss anyone who gives off the weird vibe. I was guilty of this much of my life.

2. You don't appreciate the joys of a monogamous relationship, and instead choose the vacuous lifestyle of the party animal.

Check in with yourself and figure out if you're avoiding LTRs because of fear or insecurity. If not, and you feel genuinely like the LTR isn't for you at this point in your life, then there's nothing wrong with you. The article commits a common fallacy, making you choose between "friends with benefits" and a monogamous LTR. There are many shades in between. You can have non-exclusive open LTRs (girlfriends) that are emotionally satisfying for both parties. That would allow you to have your cake and eat it too, as in going out to hook up while keeping girls around who fulfill you emotionally.

3. You are too shy to approach.

Possibly, but too often people confuse shyness with social anxiety. Rather than sweep your anxiety under the rug by mislabelling it shyness, a healthier option would be to learn about it and try to fix it. The article makes suggestions to bypass your shyness, like meeting people at social gatherings. If you have social anxiety, though, it doesn't matter where you meet people. The anxiety can sink you in any situation, and you leave feeling like a retard. Solution is to explore why you feel the way you feel, root out the cause with the help of others, and then systematically improve your social skills.

4. You have unreasonably high standards.

I agree, but I have found women are more guilty of this than men. You should have high standards, based on an assessment of what's out there. You should not settle. You can find "the one" if you know what you want and keep looking for it, while remaining forgiving of minor imperfections.

5. You aren't putting yourself out there or making enough of an effort.

Sure, if you're spending every night at home playing WoW, you won't find her. And the chance of you finding her go up if you simply stand in a bar by yourself and don't talk to anyone.

But putting yourself into the vicinity of women isn't sufficient. You need to learn how to pick up women if you're gonna get anywhere. There are things that work, and things that don't. If you don't want to spend months or years going on fruitless dates and hanging out at social gatherings collecting flakey numbers, then you need to learn the concepts and apply them.

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 Post subject: Re: Guys who stay single
 Post Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 1:51 pm 
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Match.com wrote:

1. You put career first, and think women get in the way of this.



If you don't have your career together and you do your best to focus on the relationship you will linger in your career. As Majaraja likes to say "Never lost bitches chasing money". Women love men with goals and interests and passions that are not them

Match.com wrote:

2. You don't appreciate the joys of a monogamous relationship, and instead choose the vacuous lifestyle of the party animal.



Been married have a kid.. Yet still love the relative peace of monogamous relationships. The relative part is cause it all only lasts so long. The peace does provide for some genuine love and fun times where you both care for each other. If not it's not worth it.

Yet I do not believe in the institution anymore. I would drag a gf relationship out as long as I could, if the girl is under 30. I let my last gf off the hook @ 30 cause I genuinely felt bad that she needed to get a family situation handled as she is not getting younger. She is still texting and crying for me.. while she got a new nice provider bf. They just moved in together. This weekend. He met her in March...

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 Post subject: Re: Guys who stay single
 Post Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:41 am 
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I think this is just another example of Decibel accumulating knowledge through READING.

FWIW, I'm with Santa on the last one.
To me, the ONLY reason a man should get married is to give his children a HOME.

(In all the greater meanings of the word. As in, a place where one can feel at home, a place where one is loved (by both parents), an institution where one can claim that he/she has both parents, a place where one can feel protected & loved).

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 Post subject: Re: Guys who stay single
 Post Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 10:42 pm 
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Decibel wrote:
Take-home message of the article (naturally, given that it's written on a dating site), if you're getting into your 30s and up and are still single, there's probably something wrong with you.

Hey now, that also may be a choice for many guys, haha

I'm soon to be hitting the age of 30 and I don't see myself getting married anytime soon, I'm having fun being single, but who knows the right girl may come along and change all that though :unknown:

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 Post subject: Re: Guys who stay single
 Post Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:33 pm
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SixPack wrote:
Decibel wrote:
Take-home message of the article (naturally, given that it's written on a dating site), if you're getting into your 30s and up and are still single, there's probably something wrong with you.

Hey now, that also may be a choice for many guys, haha

I'm soon to be hitting the age of 30 and I don't see myself getting married anytime soon, I'm having fun being single, but who knows the right girl may come along and change all that though :unknown:


I 2nd this. Also i think that a lot of people are in relationships for the wrong reasons one of them being too dependent on other people. I think its a wild assumption to say that there is something wrong with people who are not into relationships once there over 30 (BTW i'm not 30 myself, almost there though.) I have plenty of friends so i don't feel like i have some void i need filled by having a girlfriend. A lot of people would also argue that there might be something wrong with you if your not married by the time you are in your mid-thirties, fuck that noise.


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