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 Post Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:19 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 2:39 pm
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Location: k-town
I met this girl on a social networking site. She is a friend of a friend and she is in another country. We talked to for couple weeks and I was planing to go on vacation so she invited me to come visit. She cleared her schedule and we ended up spending 2 weeks 24/7 with each other. It was absolutely the best vacation i ever had. Sex was great, no misunderstandings, no drama just a good good time.

When i came back we still talking everyday and when her friends invite her to go out, she says she does not want to go. So I asked her what her expectations for this and tried to explain the reality of the situation that we live on the opposite sides of the world bla bla bla. So she started crying(she was on her period too).

So my question is whats the best way to handle this? I really like this girl and i don't want to hurt her. I do not want to be in a relationship right now especially long distance one. It would be great if we could remain friends, talk may be once a week or so, and both do what ever we want. She periodically comes to the states so if anything happens down the road that would be great


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 Post Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 6:25 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:15 pm
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Girls cry. End of story. She maybe sad because she knows that whatever good thing you have can't work oput without superhuman effort. And you have no business promising another girl your world half a world away. You have a kid here and you need a girl that a) is already here b) american and not possibly fishing for a green card c) professional that can pull her own weight financially even if she wants a kid. After two weeks ... Dude .. Priorities dude, priorities. Check yourself

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 Post Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:02 pm 
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J The Ripper Show Supporter
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Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2011 4:57 pm
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she sounds naive.

be nice to her, but be honest and hold your ground. expect her to accuse you for misleading her, using her...but don't make promises you cant keep (exclusivity, full relationship) since that isnt what u want and not realistic being so far away.


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 Post Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:51 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 2:39 pm
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Location: k-town
I have not promissed her anything. In fact before i went there i told her that i'm not looking for anything serious. Also while i was there, couple times i metioned that i dont think that monogamy is gonna work for me at this time.

What i did wrong is that i acted too boyfriendy. And I forgot that if you spend so much time with the person, you will get emotionally attached. It's pretty hard for me too


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 Post Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:27 am 
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Host of the Decibel Show "n00b"/CCLA Member/CC Best Homegrown Coach 2010
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Troublesome is back bitches!

Answer me this: how many girls have you been on dates with in THIS country lately?

This is the second time to my knowledge you've become sexually or romantically involved with a girl who lived in another country. Seems like typical Troublesome self-sabotage at play here.

You go to another country to see a girl, THANKFULLY bang her this time, and then get emotionally attached. Part of you is allowing the relationship to happen, which is good. But the other part is making sure she lives in another country so you can't pursue anything once you leave. Fine if you take it for what it is, but sounds like you haven't.

This is the same problem that's plagued you at other times. You pursue something up to a point, but then somewhere along the line you've embedded obstacles to success.

My answer is recognize it's happening and force it to stop happening. Always stack the deck in your favor.

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 Post Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 1:34 pm 
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Location: West Covina, Californa
Troublesome wrote:

When i came back we still talking everyday and when her friends invite her to go out, she says she does not want to go. So I asked her what her expectations for this and tried to explain the reality of the situation that we live on the opposite sides of the world bla bla bla. So she started crying(she was on her period too).

So my question is whats the best way to handle this? I really like this girl and i don't want to hurt her. I do not want to be in a relationship right now especially long distance one. It would be great if we could remain friends, talk may be once a week or so, and both do what ever we want. She periodically comes to the states so if anything happens down the road that would be great


Wow, seems like you have conflicting wants. You want to have a relationship with someone, yet you get with someone who lives far away. I also agree with Decibel. You wanted something like this to happen to you. You want to have someone attracted to you while at the same time you don't want to be to involved. Thus, you created the scenario you have been thinking about for sometime now. Now you realized the situation. You see what you have done. You are bothered by it and somehow want advice on it.

My advice is to quit lying to yourself. You said it yourself, you don't want a relationship, yet you are pursuing one by talking to this girl. Get a grip on yourself. Do you want a relationship with someone or not?? If you want to have sex with a chick, then, go after SNL's and stop bothering yourself and other people. You realized exactly what you have been thinking. The only part you forgot to tell us is that you also want to have a relationship, yet, ummm, no you don't, oh shit, yes I do,,,mmm, no...Fuck maybe I do.


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 Post Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:57 am 
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I agree with what's been said. In summary, you're looking for a relationship but are afraid of the commitment and want an easy out.

I've learned, from my own behavior, that when I'm giving off "boyfriendy" vibes, it's because there's a MAJORITY part of me that wants it. That's why I'm in a relationship right now. Are there times that I'm just like "WTF am I/have I been thinking?" Yes. But I'm a man and when I make a decision, I stick with it until it becomes unmanageable. But you? You're walking into unmanageable situations on purpose.

To me, it sounds like the last thing you needed was a vacation with a girl. Time alone or with a male friend in a new place would have done you wonders. It's not too late.

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