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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 1:09 pm 
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Yeah that's exactly it. Express what you feel, without adding a second layer of logical BS. It's hard enough to get past your fears, but once you go through all the mental gymnastics of disguising your emotions as logic, you've made your work even harder. Because now the ego has found a form of protection, and it likes having that.

So it's better to tell yourself "I'm scared. My ego doesn't want to deal with the pain of approaching or possible rejection. So I'm either gonna just open, or else warm up with another set."

Guys like buying into excuses, so those are pretty easy to sell. Once you voice an excuse, everyone jumps on the bandwagon, because they all have egos to protect, and your group's social proof makes this ok (i.e. "if everyone is saying it, it must be acceptable.") So before the excuse comes out of your mouth, recognize it for what it is, and don't even validate it by putting it into words; you might initially think bitch, but don't speak bitch.

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The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:23 am 
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Decibel wrote:
1. If you have AA, accept and admit it.
2. Set your excuses aside.
3. Approach in spite of the excuses.
4. Recognize creative avoidance and stop it.
5. Avoid wings who have AA.
6. Get a stack.
7. Don’t give a fuck.
8. Start small.
9. Keep going til it’s gone. Don’t take a break.
10. Don’t drink.
11. Challenge yourself.
12. AA is about your inner game.
13. Not all AAs are made the same.
Any questions…fire away.


What opened my eyes and help me overcome the pressure, was realizing that my preconceived notions of social interactions were outdated and based on fictional facts in the media.

Once I learned how to observe each interaction, take them simply at face value, and stop applying meaning to them. Certain aspect of AA melt away.

Don't get me wrong, I may "misinterpret" what a girl is implying every once in awhile. What it does, though, is updates my old paradigm with new ones.

Here are MY Rules. (Chopped and Abused from Db's)

Latin wrote:
1. Set your excuses aside. Recognize creative avoidance and stop it.
2. Don't approach, if you have any preconception. Period. It'll fuck you up.
3. Be Curious. You gotta know what you want to know about the person.
4. Get a stack. Start small.
5. Be Happy that you met someone new. (Regardless of whether it went good or bad... you learned something about them.)

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"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own." -Johann Vonn Goethe

"Success follows doing what you want to do. There is no other way to be successful." -Malcolm Forbes

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." -Confucius


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:15 am 
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Yes, part of getting past AA is wrapping your conscious mind around the true nature of social interactions. I suppose this is what Negrodamus was saying, but his posts were unintelligible rants, so I'm just assuming.

However, the conscious brain is only 12% of the picture. You still have to convince the other 88%: the subconscious. You can't reason with that part of your brain. You have to get it on board by desensitization, hypnosis, etc.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:30 pm 
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I don't agree that the quantity of approaches (or hypnosis, for that matter) really affects your anxiety. It only masks it with something else. Making it more elusive and harder to address.

The anxiety is a symptom of a larger problem.

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"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own." -Johann Vonn Goethe

"Success follows doing what you want to do. There is no other way to be successful." -Malcolm Forbes

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." -Confucius


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:46 pm 
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I don't agree at all (from my experience, and from my training).

Anxiety exists because it exists. There may be a biochemical reason for it (serotonin, dopamine, yadda yadda) that medications can alter. But once it's there, you either desensitize beyond it or medicate it. There isn't necessarily some underlying issue that must be addressed as well. There MAY be...low self-esteem, fear of rejection, all that. But the mental illness can exist without any other factors.

Systematic desensitization is a well-accepted treatment for anxiety disorders, whether social or otherwise. This is what wiki has to say about it...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization

It's one kind of desensitization. With AA, I didn't find it necessary to use a hierarchy. I just jumped into the cold pool, set after set until it went away. That and developing competence, which gives me confidence, which helps reduce anxiety.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:52 pm 
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Decibel wrote:
Anxiety exists because it exists.


I see this is where you and I differ. Anxieties don't just come about. Fears don't magically appear. It is learned and re-enforced early on.

From here, I know our approaches to A.A. will be dramatically different.

_________________
"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own." -Johann Vonn Goethe

"Success follows doing what you want to do. There is no other way to be successful." -Malcolm Forbes

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." -Confucius


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:34 pm 
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Latin wrote:
Decibel wrote:
Anxiety exists because it exists.


I see this is where you and I differ. Anxieties don't just come about. Fears don't magically appear. It is learned and re-enforced early on.

From here, I know our approaches to A.A. will be dramatically different.

So what's yours????


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:58 pm 
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Latin wrote:
Anxieties don't just come about. Fears don't magically appear. It is learned and re-enforced early on.


You may be familiar with Mystery's theory on AA, which is that it is hard-wired. I don't know how valid this is, but I think he's on to something.

I would normally agree that a person needs exposure to a traumatic event early on to develop a phobia. But I feel AA is exempt. In my impression, it is so deep, widespread and primitive that it doesn't need to be learned. It is programed into us before we are born.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:23 pm 
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Decibel wrote:
Latin wrote:
Anxieties don't just come about. Fears don't magically appear. It is learned and re-enforced early on.


You may be familiar with Mystery's theory on AA, which is that it is hard-wired. I don't know how valid this is, but I think he's on to something.

I would normally agree that a person needs exposure to a traumatic event early on to develop a phobia. But I feel AA is exempt. In my impression, it is so deep, widespread and primitive that it doesn't need to be learned. It is programed into us before we are born.


I dunno, if that were the case, what would be the cause of people that have zero approach anxiety? Are they somehow hard-wired differently?

I'd say it does have a lot to do with your childhood and upbringing. It's understandable that a sheltered child would grow up to have AA. On the other side of the coin, a person that has been used to being social starting from preschool and always being involved in social groups like cubscouts, student body, sports, etc, this person is much more likely to comfortably be able to approach a stranger.

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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 7:24 am 
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It's all conjecture, but I can think of two possibilities:

1. Every guy has the potential for AA built in. Some guys get past it very early on so it never has a chance to exhibit itself. Some guys never get that luxury, so it festers and builds into adulthood. This would be a case of nurture overcoming nature.
Also, we've all probably known guys who are naturally sociable, and yet even those guys freeze up with terror at the thought of approaching a group of superhotties (or can only do it after drinking). So socializing a kid early on may help him be sociable, but it doesn't in and of itself always tackle his AA.

2. Not every guy has AA. Some lineages weeded it out. Like certain biochemical disorders, it may have a genetic basis and is inheritable. So for example, it could be X-linked recessive, and would only manifest in men (the other X chromosome would mask it in girls), and it may skip generations.

Hmmm, maybe I've got something here. Dunno, that's not my specialty.

_________________
Street Kings, Gigsaw vs Doc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApU-pHp0_Ug

The Chodefest Journals. dB's reports in one spell-binding ebook.

MAN SCHOOL. Let's get this handled.

Coming soon, my directorial debut, Blood Rush.


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